here is my ongoing attempt to decode harvard mba language. i have included both definitions intended by the offenders, as well as the entrepreneur decoded definition. enjoy.
value-add: an action or thing that provides incremental value to a business on top of its current worth
decoded: an action or thing a VC will pull out of his ass to put it up yours
synergize: an attempt to bring two pieces together to create a value greater than the perceived sum of those two pieces
decoded: an attempt to forge together two or more portfolio companies in a VCs portfolio to create the most incoherent cluster-fuck of a company ever conceived
30,000 foot view: a more macro, big-picture look at any given element of a company
decoded: a dumbed down definition of your business for VCs to better understand
mission critical: a particular task which an entire business process depends on to move forward
decoded: a problem that most certainly will not impair a business process given some creative solution finding
back-of-the-envelope math: a quick and easy problem solving method aimed at distinguishing market sizes & revenue opportunities using intelligent assumptions
decoded: the height of absurd deductive reasoning based on retarded assumptions that yield even more useless answers
these are just a few of the most common ones we come accross. don’t mistake this for cynicism – these people actually exist. take my word for it.
Now, now. Don’t hate on all Harvard MBAs. I work with a few that are definitely not tools… Maybe it’s just the investors you’re meeting.